That pretty much is summing up my life right now. Family life= going straight to hell-in-a-hand-basket. Social Life= haha. Like I ever had one. Love Life= about the only thing worth living for right now, although I'm tending to lack in this because of stress from other areas of life. School life= ugh. I don't even want to talk about it. Spiritual Life= transparent to myself, somehow visible to everyone else.
Family Life.
I can't stand to be in my house, ever, at all. I'm moving out as soon as I can get a job, and a car. My grandmother is losing (if it's not gone yet) her mind, constantly bugging the mess out of me with the same questions over and over and over again. My mom stresses all the time about everything. My dad, well he's so far gone in his own little world I don't even want to talk about it. Making my house a living hell hole, therefore I'm more than glad to stay away for as long as I can.
Social Life.
I haven't one. The constant stress has me closed off from making any kind of new aquaintences; therefore, I have no real friends anymore that I talk to on a regular/healthy basis, and frankly I'm okay and would prefer to eat lunch by myself. I totally used to be anything but that, oh well, people change.
Love Life.
Hah. JD deserves more credit than a lot of people give him. I've been quite a butthead lately, not meaning too, just it eventually comes out, and he is just there most of the time. Poor guy. He's pretty great, taking me with al my baggage that I can't seem to let go of no matter how hard he tries to get me too. Although, now I find myslef getting aggravated with him all the time over the stupidest little things, although that's probably a side effect of everything else bottling in on me.
School Life.
I've noticed I'm pushing my limits again, and I need to stop it. I started things out really well getting to school an hour early so I could park close and have plenty of time to eat breakfast and look over my english or whatever else I needed. Anyways, lately I've been getting to school in just enough time to maybe grab a quick breakfast and get straight to class, putting off assignments until they're either late, or I'm struggling to do them late the night before they're due. I have to step it up, Lord knows I can't afford to lose my scholarships. Oh well.
Spiritual Life.
Yeah, I'm not exactly sure what's going on. Some days I feel God and see Him working in my life, in other people's lives, and at the same time other days I feel numb to everything and don't know where or why it came. Ugh. I don't feel much of anything anymore. People outside of myslef who know me seem to still see whatever is left of my spiritual life, but I sure can't feel it most of the time. I just go on living and doing what I think/know to be right not sure where to go or what to do.
I think that's the problem. I'm at a huge brick wall and on the otherside is a crossroad. I know it's there because I can see around the wall and I can see that the road divides, and I have no idea how to get over the wall to make the decision towards my future. *sigh* I just wish that I could figure out why I feel so alone and numb all the time, and when it's not that it's anger and frustration. I just wish God would hurry up and fix my life so that I can scale this brick wall and get on with my future He has in store. I know I have a purpose, and I'm pretty darn sure I know what it is, I just can't figure out how i'm suppose to get there with this wall in the way.
~Frustrated and Tired.
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